November 9, 2000
UPWARD PATH OPENS FOR TEEN MOTHERS
Summary: Writer, university student and mother Beth Tilgner sends other young women a strong message of hope
by Kelly Kennedy
The Oregonian
The messages start filtering in at the middle school level:
Don't get pregnant; you won't finish school.
Don't get pregnant; you'll have to go on welfare.
Don't get pregnant; you won't be able to follow your dreams.
In Oregon, those messages, combined with the fear of sexually transmitted diseases and abstinence-based programs, have brought down Oregon's teen pregnancy rate in the past 10 years.
But some teen-agers do get pregnant. Some teen-agers choose to have their babies.
And those teen-agers are hearing the same messages.
"If you say, 'If you get pregnant, you're not going to finish high school,' you're telling the teen who's already pregnant, 'You're not going to finish high school,' " said Beth Tilgner, an Oregon State University student from Sandy who is writing a book about teen mothers.
"Don't get me wrong -- it's good that the pregnancy rate is going down. But I don't think the issue is entirely preventing teen pregnancy. I think the issue is supporting teen pregnancy."
Tilgner became pregnant with her daughter Andrea, 3, while she was a student at Sandy High School.
At the time, the school had few resources to help her. Available material was scarce about the option she wanted to pursue: keeping Andrea and continuing her education.
She was told by school officials her best choice would be to give the baby up for adoption, or she would not be able to stay in school.
Tilgner wants to send a message of hope to teen moms with her book, "Struggles Beyond the Stereotypes." The book will feature pictures of young mothers with their babies as well as stories about each pregnancy and family.
"A lot of teen moms do fit the stereotypes, and a lot do it because that's what they think they're supposed to do," Tilgner said. "The whole world is saying, 'Get off welfare!,' but no one really expects them to."
Alternative school
At Helensview High School, an alternative school in Northeast Portland, 78 young mothers are beating the odds in a daily program offered by the Multnomah Education Service District. They drop their babies off in a child development program at the school, then head for class.
"Between 70 and 75 percent of pregnant moms drop out of high school annually across the nation," said Chris Perrson, Helensview principal. "To carry around that belief system, 'Oh, my God! I'm pregnant. My life is ruined,' is horrifying. These women can do anything, and they can achieve anything."
At Sandy High, now home to a full-service teen-parent and child-care program, director Suzie Kuerschner agrees.
"One of the most beautiful things about this age group is they are the easiest group to change behaviors," she said. "All partying stops as soon as they get pregnant."
For some, the pregnancy might be motivation enough to change their lifestyle.
Sandy's program includes an all-day day-care and child development center, as well as a training center for new mothers and their families. They take classes to learn how to manage their emotions and discipline their children. Kuerschner also brings services such as low-income programs and prenatal care to the school so they are easily available.
The teens drop their babies off at the center, then go to regular classes at Sandy High School. "It may be the most successful program for those who, for whatever reason, high school was an unsuccessful experience," Kuerschner said.
Overcoming obstacles
The message from teen mothers is pregnancy poses problems, but they still can succeed.
"You can still do whatever you want to do," said Misti-Ann Fajardo, 17, Helensview's student council president. "It's not a setback; it's an obstacle. Everyone has them whether they have children or not. For me, abortion was not an option, so I figured I better make the best of it."
Every day, Fajardo and her daughter Lyric, 2, take a circuitous route from their home in Gresham to Helensview High School at 8679 N.E. Sumner St. First there's a bus, then a MAX train, then another bus, then a walk of a couple of blocks.
After she graduates this year, she plans to get her bachelor's, then master's degrees in zoology.
"I like animals," she said. "I wanted to be a vet, but I grew more interested in exotic animals, especially tigers."
As a student speaker she travels to middle schools to explain what it's like to be a teen-age mom.
"I change the message a little," she said. "I tell them it's not impossible, but it's a lot harder. If they do get pregnant, their lives are not over."
She faces endless battles with stereotypes.
"They think that I'm a bad parent," she said of people on the bus, in the mall, at the grocery store. "That I don't know what I'm doing. That my parents are the ones really taking care of my child."
The reality is that Lyric -- with her chubby cheeks and big brown eyes -- changed Fajardo's life.
"I believe my daughter saved my life," she said. "I was getting into a lot of trouble, using drugs and alcohol. When I found out I was pregnant, everything changed. She is definitely an inspiration for me to finish school and provide her with a better life."
Change in lifestyle
The principal at Julia Valerio's Portland middle school told her she would never make it. She has been diagnosed as manic depressive and with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder.
"Before I got pregnant, I didn't think I would graduate," she said. "Now I have a scholarship for Phagans' Beauty College.
"I take better care of myself, too. No more partying. I used to like to go out, but now everything's for him. I will graduate from high school this year."
She found out she was pregnant with Alexander, now 15 months old, at age 16. She fits feeding times and baths between nightly homework assignments.
"It's a very rigorous program, and she's doing excellently," said Perrson, the Helensview principal. "You can see how upset she gets when she talks about the way adults treated her.
"Many of these young women feel adults lost faith in them. That's absolutely critical. You don't lose faith in a young person."
Valerio agrees.
"I thought everyone would look down on me," she said. "The high school kids snickered and talked about me. On the bus with my son, no one will get up for me. They just look at you. They say things when they don't know how my life is or what I've done. They think I'm a bad parent."
The stereotypes make her angry, and they never seem to go away.
"My fiance still goes to my old school, and people there act like they're surprised I'm still in school," she said. "I want my son to see that even though it was a hard time, I didn't give up."
So she endures a two-hour bus ride to school with her son and enjoys her new career choice as a beautician.
Undiscovered potential
"Facials are fun," she said. "I had my first pedicure yesterday. It was so hard. I'm ticklish."
Colette Hall, 18, also knows about the challenges of teen parenthood. Her daughter, Shantay, isn't quite 6 months old.
"I was sick all the time," she said. "I kind of flipped out and was like, 'I can't do this.' "
But she did. She studied at home to cope with nine months of morning sickness. She skipped prom. She didn't walk through her graduation ceremony because Shantay had just been born.
"But it's worth it because I had her, and that's what it's all about now," she said. "I'm glad I have her."
She has had to change her career path -- or at least delay it.
"I had this big plan," she said. "I was going to go to arts school. Now I'm thinking about arts therapy. I wanted to go to school in California, and now I'm staying here."
For author Tilgner, these young women prove her point:
"People say, 'When teen-agers have children, everybody loses,' " she said. "Why does that have to be the case? Our great-grandparents were born to teen-agers.
"It has to do with our maturity and what is expected of us. Our society says we're supposed to party and have no worries, but I feel like I have a lot more time to give to my daughter. The situations are as varied as the moms are."